Category Archives: Mandy

Suck It Up, Buttercup

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The next couple of days after rescue were consumed with buying basics such as a couple of outfits of clothing each, pet supplies, and toiletries. We also worked on getting a rental car, as well as filing all the necessary claims with insurance on our house, car, and FEMA applications.

We still had not seen the inside of our house. Late on Thursday night, I saw on our neighborhood Facebook page that a person was planning to be available to drive people by boat to their homes to collect a few items and survey damage. We had to show up to the loading point at 9AM Friday morning if we were interested.

Dave and I deliberated on whether to go back to the house. It wasn’t an easy decision for us. I wanted to see and know what we were facing. But I also didn’t know if I had the strength to do it. Part of me wanted to tell him to go alone. To face it alone because I couldn’t. But, we faced the storm together. We faced the rising water together. We faced the evacuation together. We needed to face this together too. I needed to show up. As I’m known for saying, suck it up, buttercup.

On Friday morning, we spent an hour in the car driving 3 miles to our neighborhood. As we approached, I began to feel nauseous. We parked our car and got out, trying to find the boat person who we had coordinated with. We located the boat person, plus a giant military truck. The military truck people thought that they could get us most of the way in to our house and told us to hop on. We climbed up into the back.

I struck up a conversation with the people in the truck, and learned that one of the women had just lost her husband to pancreatic cancer earlier this year. We cried together. We hugged. And then we talked about how much hope for humanity had been recovered through this awful tragedy. She told me that all eyes are on Texas. We hugged and cried some more, all while rolling in the back of a military truck through our decimated neighborhood and trying to capture pictures for neighbors as we went. I made a mental note to go visit her as soon as I could.

One of the sentiments I’ve heard repeatedly expressed is that “at least we are all going through the same thing.” While none of us who feel this way wanted this tragedy to happen, there is somehow a strength in knowing that we are all in this place together. We all need help and none of us can do it alone. We have all been “reduced” to this place where we must rely on our neighbors, our friends, complete strangers. And we can’t fail each other. We want to put our communities and our lives back together, so we simply have to show up for each other. I used to daydream about things like a ski vacation, retirement, or sometimes just a carefree day of sitting on the couch reading a book. Now I daydream with relish about tearing out my neighbor’s drywall. I digress.

We took the army truck to the end of our street and then got on a boat to go the rest of the way to our house. I got out of the boat, took a deep breath, and went inside. The first thing that hit me was the smell. It was unbelievable. Then the worms. There were worms all over the inside of the house. There had been about 8-10 inches of water at the high point. Currently it was at about an inch. The filth and mess and stench were horrible. Water had gotten everywhere in the house, up underneath our floors, some of which were now floating.
We walked into each room slowly, taking it all in. The happy memories from that home were playing on a reel in my head simultaneously while the scene before me unfolded. It was hard to take. I finally tasked myself with finding the items that I had been planning to get: my contacts, my work computer, whatever small toys could be salvaged, a few clothing items.

The good news is that we did a good job of elevating the furniture that was important to us. The desk that my grandfather made in his high-school woodshop in the 1920s, the piano, a table that we really like were all in good shape. We should be able to keep these items.

We put a few bags of things back in the boat and we left the neighborhood. We got back to our car and wiped our feet. We loaded the items and began driving back. We were suddenly hit with strong hunger. I find lately that I’m usually so mentally consumed that eating gets forgotten. We decided to stop at a sandwich place. I had no shoes to wear inside, as I had forgotten to bring a change and wasn’t putting on the galoshes again. I walked barefoot into the restaurant. It was the first meal I had had in a restaurant since before the storm. It felt odd to be deciding whether I wanted sourdough or rye or jalopeno bread and whether I wanted a small, medium, or large drink. What flavor of chips did I want? I didn’t know. I didn’t care.

Next, we decided to go to Enterprise to learn the status of the rental car that we had been waiting on for a couple of days. I walked into Enterprise sweaty, smelly, and barefoot. Although I had been getting quite a bit of runaround from Enterprise employees over the phone, they did a good job when we showed up in person. We now have a rental car. And, of course, I ended up hugging someone in Enterprise too.

Over the last few years, there has been quite a bit of dialogue about our phones and other electronics replacing our in-person social abilities. While we are all now completely glued to our phones throughout this experience, we are also all completely all-in in person. All over the place, random strangers are sharing their stories with each other. Hugging is everywhere. We all take the time to listen to each other. And then we share of ourselves too. We think about how we can help each other. And it feels really important. It feels more important than the next thing you need to do or the next place you need to be. It feels like humanity. It feels like love.

Incredible Acts of Kindness

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In 2011, I finished an MBA at Rice University, which is a local Houston school. I was in a class of professionals who were working while getting our degrees. We were a family, but we really didn’t have a lot of time to spend with each other outside of school. After graduation, I kept in touch with some colleagues for a while, but we all moved on to different cities, different jobs, got married, had kids, life became busy, and many of us lost touch.

Throughout the rains and flooding, I posted updates on Facebook. Things went from bad to worse. The nights were the absolute worst and the fear was unbelievable. I spent a lot of time praying during those nights, giving thanks for the beautiful things that had happened that day, and asking for peace and relief from the constant anxiety. On the 5th night of the storm, a colleague from Rice told me that she could help me if I was ready to evacuate. I got in touch with her at 4AM, as I was laying on the air mattress with Audrey, approaching insanity and praying for help. I asked what she was proposing. She told me that she had left her own home to stay at her parents’ house far from the bayou and that there was an extra room we could stay in. With a sinking feeling, I asked if they could accommodate two cats and a dog. She said, with no hesitation, “sure, no problem!”. She then said that she would put together a few trucks to rescue us if we could get ourselves out of our neighborhood and to a place where she could pick us up. To put this in perspective, I graduated 6 years ago, and had only talked to this person once since then. Her offer to rescue us was an incredible act of kindness. Dave eagerly agreed with me that we should accept it.

After this, I realized I needed to put together a boat rescue, as that was the only way out of the neighborhood at that point. I had no idea how to do this. I began by asking on our neighborhood Facebook page, which was an incredibly helpful source of information during the entire storm. I received several phone numbers of random strangers, who supposedly had boats and were looking to do rescues. I contacted all of them at 5AM. I prayed for a response. At daybreak, I received responses from ALL of them. We had 7 different boats who were willing to come immediately to get us. In the end, a kind neighbor with a kayak was the first responder who dragged us out. Another incredible act of kindness.

We weren’t sure exactly what time my Rice friend could pick us up, so we had yet another friend who works with Dave come to pick us up from the boat rescue. Her husband put on waders and walked partway to meet the rescue boat. Seeing his familiar face coming to assist was so incredibly comforting. After we were pulled from the water, she took our belongings and loaded them in the car. She helped me get my kids and cats and dogs to her house and made breakfast and coffee for us while I gave my kids a bath. Dave and I ate the first real food that we had had in days. We had both been too scared to eat.

My Rice friend arrived and loaded us all up to go to her house. As we drove out of the neighborhood, the feeling was surreal.  It was a beautiful sunny day and flood waters were nowhere to be seen on the route that we took to her house.  It felt as if we had emerged from some dark corner of hell into the light.  My kids rode next to me in the backseat across several interstates, but did not even have car seats.  We could not carry them in the kayak rescue.

When we got to her house, I discovered that my friend’s parents are this very kind older couple who probably usually live in peace in quiet with just the two of them. They had opened their house to their daughter and husband, baby, and toddler. Now they were taking on another family of 4 plus 3 pets. They didn’t even seem to blink an eye. When we walked in their home, we looked and smelled horrible. They helped get us bathed, fed, and then showed us to the bedroom for naps. All 4 of us fell asleep immediately.

That evening, my friend’s mother told me that we would have a nice hot meal with all of us together at the table. I felt this incredible wave of gratefulness. Dave and I pulled our kids aside to try to prepare them for this. “Guys, listen. Tonight, we are all going to eat together. It is going to be really nice to be together and safe and share a meal. Now, whatever food they give us, we need to eat it and be grateful for it because they are very nice to share with us.”

Andrew looked up at me with his big blue eyes and he said “but I want to share some of ours with them, Mommy!” I got down on his level and I told him that he was very kind. I told him that I wish we could share with them. But right now, we have nothing. We don’t have anything to share. It was one of the most humbling moments of my life.

We sat together at the dinner table that night and for the next several nights and shared meals together, talking about the progress we had each made that day, what we had learned about the state of the city, etc. As long as I live, I will never forget how it felt to sit in that warm, inviting kitchen of a complete stranger. I am not sure it will be possible to ever repay this generosity or express what it has meant to me.

Another person contacted me via Facebook to also tell me that she had space in her house. I arranged for Dave’s parents to stay with her. She is a parent of a child in my kids’ school class and is an elementary school teacher. It turns out that she lives just a mile or so away from where we are staying. She managed to find us car seats for our kids, which she delivered to us. She arranged a play date for the following day at her house, in which she came to pick our kids up, provided breakfast and lunch, and allowed them to play at her house all day. She did the same the next day, inviting even more kids over for the entire day. Incredible act of kindness.

These are just a few examples of the humanity that is rising from the waters of this city. Every day over the past week, I’ve hugged, cried, laughed, prayed with complete strangers. I’ve made more new friends this past week than I’ve made in full years. The outpouring of complete love, concern, strength, hope, and support from those of you who know Dave and/or me, or know my parents has been unbelievably humbling. I don’t even know what to say. I’m living the darkest time of my life right now, and not for one minute of it have I felt alone. I feel light and love surrounding me and I know we will all be ok.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. -Isaiah 43:2

That Would Never Happen to Me

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I have always loved thunderstorms. I love watching lightning, wind, rain. I have always loved the heavy tropical rains that we get in Houston and I relish sitting with a cup of coffee or wine and enjoying a good storm. Never again will this be true. I saw a few dire predictions leading up to Harvey, but I figured it would be another enjoyable heavy rain and we would be ok as a city. I mean, MY house was outside the 500 year flood plain and had never flooded in the 45 years that it has existed, so hey, what did I have to worry about? That would never happen to me. I might as well throw some parties, make Harvey a social event before the rain hit. I was naïve.

By Sunday morning, it had become evident that Harvey was quite a bit different than an enjoyable heavy rain. The night before, we had 10 inches of rain in just a few hours. This rain had flooded two houses on my street and several lower lying intersections near my house. I went out, took pictures, and Facetimed with my parents to show them the drama. It continued to rain, hard. At one point, it cleared a bit and we noticed fire trucks at the end of our street. They were rescuing people from the back side of my neighborhood. The back side of our neighborhood backs up to Buffalo Bayou, which had flooded. Fire rescue workers were dragging boats into the flooded areas to bring people out. My neighbors were taking them to shelters in their trucks. I stood with a couple of the families who had been pulled out and told them I was sorry for their misfortune. I looked at their eyes. The eyes were glazed, shocked, and sad. Broken. Little did I know that over the next 3 days, those would become the eyes of everyone I know in Houston. I still thought that would never happen to me.

As the rain continued throughout Sunday, we all began to come out of our houses to check the street flooding situation. It was beginning to get a bit bad, with water filling up in the street. We got 16 inches of rain on that day. The city began to make announcements about having to relieve some of the pressure on the dam through controlled releases. They would start in the middle of the night on Sunday. We had no idea what effect this might have for our street and we began to get really anxious. We decided to monitor it in shifts. I took the first shift and Dave went to bed. I took a lap towards the end of the driveway and realized that the water was coming up fast. I would check it again in 15 minutes. In 15 minutes, it was higher, halfway up the driveway. It smelled different that the water from earlier in the day. I saw frogs swimming in it and it smelled fishy. I decided to wake Dave up. We studied it and decided we needed to leave. We had a plan to move to our good friends’ house, as they had a two-story house. As the water continued to rise, I woke my daughter up and began to carry her through waist high, stinking bayou water. I felt shame. I felt like a bad parent. What kind of parent traumatizes their kids like this? I felt fear sharply for the first time. Dave and I made several trips that night, carrying food, pets, clothing. During each trip, we had to wade through the foul-smelling water, which was continually rising. It was 1AM and the frogs were making loud frog noises in unison in the dark. It was one of the creepiest nights of my life. I was sure our house would flood that night. Our friends made beds for us on their couch and we spent the night there tossing and turning, sleeping maybe an hour or two. I was miserable with worry for our house.

The next morning, the rain continued. I began to feel almost crazy with the sound of it. I was becoming an expert at hearing the difference between rain and wind. The TV coverage of rescues by boat was beginning to be more common all across the city. I wondered about the people who were being rescued and how they could manage to talk to reporters after being dragged off those boats. Weren’t they embarrassed to have not been prepared enough and needed rescuing? That would never happen to me.

The increased releases from the dam continued to happen. We began to pray hard for the rain to stop. It let up for a time, and the streets began to look good enough that we decided to return home. I was feeling optimistic and decided to take a nap. I was sleeping for about 2 hours, and during that time, another announcement about increased dam releases happened. Dave began to obsessively monitor the bayou levels. The rain continued. The water inched closer and closer to our house, slowly, like a horror movie. We began to elevate our furniture. We began to imagine losing everything. But, that would never happen to me.

The fear was palpable, the creeping water was filling my imagination with thoughts of having to leave in the middle of the night again. I had heard stories of alligators and snakes in the water by this point. I thought about having to carry my children through that water again and it was terrifying. We made the decision to stay in our house that night no matter what. To tough it out. We put the kids to bed and stood in our living room, hugging each other. I began to cry. I told Dave that I had never been this scared in my entire life. He agreed. The rain continued. The releases continued. The water inched. We paced and worried. We prayed. Then, the power went out. We did not sleep that night. We made the decision to move at daybreak to our neighbors’ two story house across the street.

We had spent some evenings with this couple before, playing board games and socializing. We got had always gotten along, but didn’t know each other all that well. They welcomed us with open arms and set us up in their second story room. We spent the day there, with the twins playing with their dog. The rain finally stopped. The power came back on. We cheered! We clapped! The sun came out! We felt uplifted and happy and began to call our families and tell them the worst was over and it would all be ok. We had made it through the flood with homes unscathed.

In the afternoon, I decided to go for a walk. I waded through the water a bit and ended up at another friend’s house. I spent a couple of hours there. We were standing around in the driveway, chatting, sharing storm stories and rejoicing in the sunshine. We took pictures to try to get the best floodwater/sun Instagram picture. We talked about how everything would be ok. All the sudden, the water in the streets began to noticeably rise. It was eerie because it was very fast. I grabbed my galoshes and got out of there. During the 4 blocks walk home, the water rose again. Everyone in the neighborhood had come outside by this point and none of us knew what was happening. We thought we had made it through! It was sunny! The Army Corps of Engineers had decided to double the amount of release and do it without announcing it. My heart began to sink as I walked past our house and saw that the water was already at our front step. By the time I got to our friends’ house, I knew, without a doubt that it WAS going to happen to us. Our house would flood that night.

Darkness fell again, bringing with it the horrors of night. The creeping water, the misplaced bayou wildlife, the frogs’ demanding chorus. Also, there were helicopters flying over, and the noise of unseen motorboats from somewhere nearby. The frogs had become so loud that it was difficult to sleep over their noise. I laid awake all night, holding my daughter on an air mattress in the second story room of my neighbors’ house. I prayed. I thanked God for the little girl lying beside me and the little boy on the couch. I desperately asked God for them to come out of this situation none the worse. We monitored the water levels all night while our children slept. I began to feel insanity creeping along the outskirts of my brain. I realized that I could not take the stress any longer. We discussed evacuation and decided to contact boat rescue at daybreak.

I used our neighborhood Facebook page to ask for assistance being rescued. A kind couple with a couple of kayaks came to our rescue. They first loaded me into a kayak and then put my son on my lap. My daughter began to scream and resist climbing in. We forced her in and I held her hands while she attempted to thrash and scream. I gave my son a job of helping me hold a bag in place. Dave walked along beside us. They began pulling away and slowly dragging us towards the exit to the neighborhood. But first, we had to pass our house. That moment was soul crushing, as I looked at the water over our garage, our cars, and up the walls on the outside of the house. It was definitely flooded. I began to cry hard. Audrey stopped screaming and stared at me. I realized that she had rarely seen me cry and never like that. I said, “we just lost everything we’ve ever worked for.” I hung my head as I was dragged through the stinking bayou water. I felt overwhelming loss, shame, and, somehow, an odd sense of freedom. We rounded the bend of our street and became part of a parade of boats and kayaks. Most of our neighborhood evacuated that morning. I saw our friends in a boat just ahead of us. I looked at them in the eyes and realized that all of those feelings were their feelings. They were the feelings of a whole city, decimated by water. Broken by water. Of all the things that I could have ever guessed would break me, water wouldn’t have been on the list. That would never happen to me.

Past, Present, and Future

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The last time I wrote a blog post was around Halloween of 2014. It’s been too long. I’m pleased to give it another shot. Our fall was eventful, celebrating Halloween with our friends and watching the twins run around in Super Audrey and Super Andrew caped superhero outfits. They were just getting good at walking, which means Dave and I had to get good at chasing, as they went in opposite directions seemingly by pact to make life difficult for their parents.

November brought Thanksgiving, which we decided to spend in Ponce Inlet, FL at my parents’ place. We took the twins on a plane for the first time. Because they were 1 year old, they were still able to qualify for a lap child, which means that you don’t have to buy a ticket for them, but you must contain them on your lap. Containing a toddler is never easy, but it becomes more difficult on a plane for many reasons. Thankfully both of our children can be bribed with chewy fruit snacks and animal crackers. Thank God for those. And thank God for the kindness of other people. Right after takeoff on a flight, Audrey began to pitch a tantrum, the likes of which was new to me. She was wrestling, screaming at the top of her lungs, and hitting me. I was sitting in an aisle seat, but could not get up because we were still ascending. I was trying to keep it together, feeling close to tears myself, when a man behind and across from me tapped me on the shoulder and said very kindly, “don’t worry about it. We’ve all been there. Every single one of us.” It was such a simple thing to say, but made me feel so much better. I look for opportunities to pay it forward with a kind word when I can. Sometimes it really makes a difference.

We also traveled for Christmas, going to visit Dave’s parents in Pasadena, CA. This trip went smoothly, as the twins were travel pros by this point. When you have twin infants, you cannot sit together as a family in a row because two infants cannot sit in a row together. There are not enough oxygen masks to accommodate two infants. We sat across the aisle from each other and passed the screaming toddlers back and forth to each other based on whichever of us was better at pacifying in that given moment. Our Christmas visit was really nice. We were able to go on several hikes in sunny California. The twins got to go to the park, play in the backyard, and go out for pizza. Christmas presents are not something that Dave and I have gotten all that into in the past, but this year, I decided to put some thought into it. I got him a watch that is silver and has math equations in place of numbers. He loves it and it really suits him. He got me a necklace that has three circles intertwined. There is a small circle, a medium circle, and a large circle and they are all linked together and then attached to a chain. It is simple and I love it, as it represents the past, present, and future. I love the idea that the past, present, and future are all connected.

We returned from California on New Years Eve and arrived at our house around 9PM. We put the twins down to bed and then grabbed some blankets and went out to the front yard to ring in the new year in our lawn chairs, wrapped in blankets, looking at the stars. One of my more favorite new years celebrations.

Next was my birthday. Normally, I don’t get very excited about my birthday. It is January 10, so it’s three weeks after Christmas. Everyone is sick of partying and is not really into eating cake. It usually feels like kind of a letdown. Not this year! My best friend decided to come down to visit us from Nashville. She brought her nearly 3 year old son and husband. I hadn’t had a chance to meet her son yet and I was SO excited about seeing all of our kids together. We spent the weekend eating out, visiting the Childrens Museum, a brewery tour, and playing cards, board games, and running around after our kids. It is hard to explain, but it truly felt like home. My parents moved away from my childhood home when I was about 22. Since then, I’ve not really felt like I had a physical place that I called home. I believe home is more a feeling that you create with the people who make you feel like home. My best friend is a kind, funny, wonderful person. I’ve been proud to call her my best friend since 6th grade. We share a similar sense of humor and a comfort with each other that is indescribable. We even married men who have very similar personalities and interests. I hadn’t seen her in several years, but it felt just like it always had from the minute they walked in the door. This visit left me feeling really happy and peaceful in a way that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. I can only hope we will visit more often in the future.

Two days after they left, the best birthday present I’ve ever received arrived in a giant box. When I was visiting my parents over Thanksgiving, they took me out in the car on a rainy, cold day saying they had a surprise for me. Audrey was with us as we drove up to a store called Florida Keys. I was a bit confused, wondering what we were doing. I pulled open the door, and there sat a brand new piano with a giant red bow on it. I was in disbelief that this was for me! What an incredible surprise. I spent some time learning how to use it and then was told it would be shipped to Houston to arrive around my birthday. It was really difficult to contain myself from November until January while it shipped across the country.

I have played the piano since I was 12. I took lessons for about a year. Lessons didn’t work well for me, so I quit. I didn’t quit playing the piano though. I played for sometimes several hours a day, teaching myself Beethoven, Mozart, Pachelbel, Christmas carols, and lots of Andrew Lloyd Webber. I played when I was happy, sad, angry, stressed, or bored. I was able to lose myself in learning a new song, memorizing it, recording it. The piano I played on was a birthday gift from my parents for my 12th birthday. I played for 10 straight hours when I got it. I cherished it through the years, moving it with me to Texas and dragging it through 5 moves to different apartments and then finally to our house.

My new piano is similar to my old one in that it is an electronic, full sized piano. It is up to date with the newest technology, including a USB input to record my songs and weighted keys so that it feels like playing on a traditional piano. It sounds great. I absolutely love it. I had become somewhat bored with my old one and hadn’t played much in the past 5 years. This new piano has re-inspired me in ways that I didn’t expect. I love it. What a truly touching gift. The twins have inherited the old piano and they love banging on it and pushing the buttons.

The twins turned 18 months in February. They are very mobile, running around everywhere. They love climbing on things, playing outside, riding their bikes and pushing toys around. They enjoy balls and toy cars. They laugh a lot. They carry on full conversations with each other that only they can understand. They are beginning to speak a few words that we can understand too. Andrew struggles with ear infections. He will be getting tubes in his ears in the next few weeks.

On Monday night, he was battling a double ear infection and was incredibly upset all night long. We could not get him to sleep and he ended up staying up most of the night, as well as waking up his sister, who sleeps in the same room with him. Dave and I were both up all night. The only way to console him was to distract him with his favorite TV show, Winnie the Pooh. So, there I sat at 3AM, holding him on my lap, watching Winnie the Pooh. I felt exhausted and stressed with worry about how I was going to manage to catch my 9AM flight to Tucson after no sleep for either Andrew or myself. I made a decision to postpone my trip by several hours to take him to the doctor. He finally fell asleep for a couple of hours around 5AM in my bed. I slept also. When he woke, I woke. I expected him to begin fussing because he was in pain. Instead, he looked at me and smiled. I felt my exhaustion and stress melt away as I smiled back. Then he farted. The fart lasted for 10 seconds. I said “MY!” and he said “HI!” and waved at me. I laughed. It was all made good again. I took him to the doctor, got medicine, took him to day care, packed my bags, and boarded a flight to Tucson, exhausted but pleased.

It has been many years since I have visited Tucson. I have fond memories of traveling there during a couple of family trips when I was a teenager, so I was excited when my travels brought me back. There is something about the mountains and the desert terrain that I have always loved. On Wednesday, I finished up with my work around 4:30 in the afternoon and had a couple of hours to kill before dinner, so I decided to go for a jog around the University of Arizona campus. The University of Arizona is a school that I applied to in high school and I was accepted. I decided not to attend, as it was very far away from my childhood home in Pennsylvania and I was not ready to live so far away. I ended up attending Virginia Tech and completed about half of my chemical engineering curriculum before deciding that I wanted to find a smaller chemical engineering program. I once again applied to the University of Arizona, and was accepted. Instead, I decided to attend the University of Wyoming. As I ran through the U of A campus, finding the psychology and chemical engineering buildings, I thought about these two times that I had almost attended school there and began to wonder what my life would be like if I had. Would I have had a completely different life? Would I have loved different friends, different men, different activities? Surely I would have. Would I have found myself in Texas, Dave, twins? Who knows? I was lost in these thoughts as I jogged. Suddenly I found myself in the midst of a beautiful circular monument surrounded by a vibrant shock of red and white pansies that stands in the middle of the U of A campus. It is dedicated to strong and influential women of the state of Arizona and honors their past, present, and future. Just like the necklace Dave gave me for Christmas that I wear almost every day. The past, present, and future are linked together and cannot be broken apart. They cannot stand alone, separately. They are all connected to make a beautiful whole. I decided to sit down at the monument for a moment. I read the names of the women to myself. I closed my eyes and smelled the sweet pansies and the nearby orange trees. I felt the sunshine warm me. I had spent most of the run contemplating the past. I decided to spend the rest of the run thinking about the future. Who knows what would have happened if I had gone to the University of Arizona. Who knows what will happen in the future?
All I know is it will be a beautiful whole.

Kind Words

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Yesterday I was running errands around town in preparation for being out of town for a couple of days. I went to the grocery store, dry cleaner, and ran Audrey to the doctor for a quick checkup. She takes special vitamins as she is a bit anemic, so I stopped at our local pharmacy to pick up a new bottle. As I waited to be helped, the woman in line in front of me began to shout at the pharmacist because she was upset over a mistake with her prescriptions. She yelled loudly enough that the entire store could hear it and she shouted over and over again to the pharmacist helping her “you are as dumb as a box of rocks!” She continued to yell, refused to listen to any of the attempts to satisfy her, and then physically grabbed her prescription bottles from the pharmacist, shouting about how they were making her late again because they are dumb as a box of rocks. I stood there behind her in silence, not really knowing what to do. In the end, I did nothing, and I felt really bad about it.

I deal with customers regularly in my own job. Sometimes they are upset over a mistake that has been made somehow. I thought about how awful I would feel if someone shouted at me that I was as dumb as box of rocks. In this case, I don’t think anything I could have said or done would have calmed the shouting woman. In fact, it probably would have made it worse. But after she left, I wish I had said a kind word of encouragement to the pharmacist. I failed to do that and I wish I had.

Ever since Andrew and Audrey were born, I’ve noticed how much difference a few kind words here and there can make. A year ago, we were really struggling, not sleeping much, dealing with Audrey’s reflux issues, as well as all the tasks that are associated with two infants. We both worked full time at our careers as well. It was exhausting. Many people took the time to tell us that we were doing a good job or to keep up the good work. Sometimes those were just the words we needed to hear to give us the patience we needed to continue on our way.

The power of a few kind words goes a long way. Sometimes it makes the difference between giving up and fighting harder. Sometimes it makes the difference between a good day and a bad day. Sometimes it changes someone’s whole perspective. Sometimes it changes someone’s whole life. I’m going to work harder at kindness in all forms, but especially the words that take just a few seconds to say.

As for us, we are all doing well. Andrew and Audrey are both walking with ease and are beginning to enjoy playing with balls, playing on the playground, chasing and being chased, knocking things over, and wrestling with anyone who will lay on the floor with them. They are a lot of fun. We walk them around the neighborhood in the evenings and take the dogs with us also. Both twins do a lot of babbling and noisemaking in general. We keep listening intently for words, but so far the only one is “UH-OH!” from Audrey. She says it over and over and then guffaws with a maniacal “HA HA HA!” There is nothing like a good maniacal laugh.

It is the wonderful part of the year in Houston where everyone comes out of their houses and walks around in the neighborhood. It is still in the 80s in the day, but it drops to the low 70s in the evening and is very comfortable to get outside. It’s finally fall and my favorite part of the year in the south.

I’m writing this post from an airplane, so I won’t be able to add in any pictures this time. Hopefully I will have some after our Halloween events.

Have a happy fall!

 

Lessons

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August has been a powerful month for me. Andrew and Audrey turned 1 on August 6, and we celebrated with red smash cakes that left their high chairs looking like a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It was all in good fun. Aside from cakes and birthday parties and presents, it was a true blessing to me to celebrate their lives and to celebrate the love that we’ve all four developed for each other as a family.

As a parent, it is my job to teach Andrew and Audrey the things they need to know. But they also teach me things all the time. Andrew has this way about him where he works really hard at learning something. Right now he is working on learning how to walk. He will stand and look at you, and then carefully take a few steps before losing his balance and careening into your lap. He almost always then stands back up with a big smile and has a clapping celebration for himself. He is so proud of those few steps he took and he doesn’t let the fall at the end get to him. A couple of months ago, a new job with more responsibility came open at work. I thought about applying for it, but I was filled with fear and doubt. I thought and thought about it and doubted myself that I had enough experience to do it. But the more I kept thinking about it, I realized that I was letting fear be a factor in my decision. Throughout my life, I have refused to bow to fear. This would be no exception. I applied, I waited, and I was granted an interview. I learned that two other much more experienced, slightly older men from our team had also applied. I went through another round of doubt and fear. And then I decided that I was tossing doubt and fear out the window. I was going to go for it with everything I had to give, and I was probably going to fail, but I would learn something about myself in the process. Last week I flew to St. Louis to interview with 7 different people, and when I walked out of the last one, I thought, “WOW, who was THAT girl?” I had no idea whether they had loved or hated me as a candidate, but I found that I loved the effort I had made. I had never been so open, so driven, and so real in a job interview before. It was an empowering day, and I learned a lesson about what I’m capable of when I put my mind to it. Ultimately, I did not get the job due to my lack of experience. What I did get was a whole new realization about myself and where I want to go with my career. So instead of wallowing in rejection, I’m having a clapping celebration for myself and the things I learned as a result of putting myself out there and really owning it.

On a completely different topic, when we were on vacation in July, I learned about the drowning death of a 3 year old boy. His mother and I had a mutual friend on Facebook. His mother began posting updates about his death publicly, and they showed up on my feed. I began to think about her and pray for her a lot. She has the most incredible writing talent and she has written some of the most beautiful, sad, amazing things about her love for her child, her family, and her faith. She wrote about how she felt in any given moment. Her ability to express herself so truly and so publicly has changed my life. I’ve begun to hug my kids tighter and more often, to take the time to sit down and play with them instead of loading the dishwasher. I’ve begun to think about how happy I am to have them in my life, especially in the moments where they scream and cry and I’m frustrated. I’ve begun to think of their birthday as not just another task to do to plan a party, but a true celebration of their life, a year lived healthy and happy and together. I’ve begun to realize that if she can lose her child and turn to God for strength, that surely I can build a stronger faith within myself.

As most of you know, I’m a very determined person. When I was 20, a good friend of mine died in a tragic way. I went to his funeral and looked into his parents’ eyes and I decided that I couldn’t find a way to believe in any God who would allow such pain on this earth. I turned away from religion with a fierce determination. As part of that determination, I looked for every flaw that exists within the church, within any Christian I knew, to help support my case. And, of course, because no church and no one person is perfect, I found plenty of flaws. I spent most of my 20’s feeling disappointed by people claiming to be Christians, sometimes I was downright angry over their seeming hypocrisy. I continued along this fault-finding path, noticing Christians being judgmental, hypocritical, downright nasty, and unethical. I believed that you can be a good person without a God in your life. I still believe that. But, during that time period, I reached my own low point in life and I decided to give up my struggle against religion. It was a conscious decision. My husband walked into my life the next day. That was five years ago, and it is almost as if love has multiplied exponentially in my life ever since.
While I made a conscious decision to turn my face towards God, it has not been an easy decision. I do not have a religious background to fall back on and I find myself, even now, uncomfortable with some of the aspects of Christian faith. None of it comes smoothly or easily to me. It is hard work, during which I often feel awkward. Which brings me back to the grieving mother. When we came home from our vacation and went to church, I wrote out a prayer request for her family and submitted it. I have never done that before. I decided to sing the hymns in church, hoping her dead son was up there somewhere listening. For the first time, I cast away my insecurity about how truly awfully I sing. It didn’t matter, because I wasn’t singing for my own self. While I have been taking steps for the past five years to attend church, to reach out to others, to read about religion and the Bible, to ask questions, and to even get baptized, I have struggled to really feel faith deep down inside. I have struggled with doubt and with questions. All of the sudden, a complete stranger has shown me faith greater than I’ve been able to reach on my own. If that isn’t God at work, I don’t know what is.

This brings me to Audrey’s lesson. When I watch Audrey playing with her toys, she picks up these small pieces and she turns them over and over in her hand, really studying them. She looks at all the pieces of them and really takes it all in. Some of the small toys she discards as she crawls away. Others, she likes what she sees and she keeps with her as she moves through her world. I’ve begun to see others in that way. Everyone on this earth is imperfect and they (and I) sometimes do things that set bad examples. I want to work harder at taking my time to inspect each person and to find the pieces that really mean something good. I want to carry those pieces with me as I move through my own world, instead of discarding an entire religion because of the flaws of a few imperfect humans or an imperfect church.

In early August I began running again. I’m now about 30 pounds overweight, and so running is a fair bit of work for me, but it is slowly getting easier. I keep reminding myself of Andrew’s lesson, to keep at it with hard work and celebrate the successes. I’m able to run 3 miles now without stopping. I look forward to sticking with it this fall, because if Andrew can stick with his hard work, then his mom can too. The other day, I hopped on the treadmill at the gym and cranked up the speed to my usual running pace. I got about 2 minutes in when my zip-up sports bra came unzipped rather suddenly and my “girls” came blasting out with violent force. Thankfully, I was wearing a tank top, but it was a bit awkward as I tried to thrust my purse in front of me and get downstairs to the womens’ room to put myself back together while laughing to myself rather maniacally.

Our summer has officially ended and we are all back to work and day care. It’s been a beautiful summer of family time. My parents will soon return from their adventures in Alaska and we look forward to seeing them as they stop here on their way back to Florida. Fall will soon be upon us with the joy of cooler weather, Texas fire pits around the pool, pumpkin patches with the kids, and general fun. I can’t wait!

First Family Vacation

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Our vacation at Ponce Inlet, FL was really and truly wonderful. After much debate as to how best to manage a 16 hour road trip with 2 babies, we decided to leave at 7PM and drive all night.  We figured either this would be a brilliant idea or a terrible one, and we were prepared for either scenario.  It turned out to be on the brilliant side, as the twins both slept all night and we were able to get in about 12 hours worth of driving only having to stop for gas a couple of times.  The only fussing that really occurred on the whole trip was in the last 30 minutes of the drive.  They were excellent travelers.

Upon arrival at my parents’ condo in Florida, we unpacked all of our baby gear and put the twins on the floor for some exploration.  They crawled all over the place, checking out everything and really enjoying themselves smearing baby handprints all over my mother’s glass coffee table and doors.  We spent the rest of the day unpacking, grocery shopping, and settling in. The next day was July 4, and we got to watch from the balcony as there were a few brilliant fireworks shows over the beach.  It was one of the better Independence Day celebrations I’ve enjoyed.  Here is a daytime view from the balcony as a storm approaches, which seemed to happen most afternoons:

balcony

The next several days were spent hitting the beach and pool, golfing, reading on the balcony, and generally relaxing. The babies really enjoyed practicing their swimming skills in the pool, although I think some of the other people at the pool thought we were insane.  They kept asking “how old ARE they??” We really appreciated it when finally a person calmly said “oh, ISR lessons huh?” and smiled at us.  We also let them float in rafts from time to time:

Floating

Vacation was going so smoothly and I was feeling myself relax in a way that I haven’t relaxed in over a year. I was truly enjoying the time to just BE with myself, my kids, and Dave.  It was so nice.  We went to visit an old sugar mill where there are some concrete dinosaur statues and we took some pictures there. Andrew is wearing a dinosaur tshirt too:

Dinosaur

We went out to eat at a couple of our favorite restaurants, we rented movies that we hadn’t had time to watch yet, we spent some quality time with my aunt and uncle, who live in neighboring Daytona Beach.  Dave took the babies to watch a sea turtle release.

Audrey and Andrew enjoyed getting in the ocean a little more each time we went. We put them down on the sand and let them explore, which they didn’t love at first, but were really enjoying by the last day of vacation.  Both babies got their first suntans!

Aud beach A&A beach

On the last day, we took them for a walk to the ice cream shop and gave them their first sample of vanilla soft-serve. They both hated it! There were tears and screaming!

After 2 weeks of ultimate relaxation, we packed up the car again and headed back home, stopping in New Orleans for the wedding of a couple of friends of ours. I was nervous to take 2 unpredictably loud babies to a wedding, but they were both very good.  The only sound to come from either of them was a very excited squeal from Audrey when the groom kissed the bride.  We then went to the reception, where they took a little nap in their strollers while we ate dinner and we enjoyed a bit of dancing and drinks before we returned to our room for their bedtime.

Audreynapwedding

We finished the last 6 hours of our return trip the next day.  The best parts of returning home were seeing our pets, and seeing the new mural that was painted in the baby room while we were gone.  Our friend painted it and she did an excellent job!  It is just so sweet and perfect.

Mural

Our first family vacation as a family of 4 was a complete and total success. We can’t wait for the next one!

beach

Seafood in Tulsa?

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June has been a really busy month for us. The twins have been taking daily swimming lessons all month, early in the morning, which means that the tasks that I typically would accomplish in the morning before work get pushed to the weekends. This explains how I repeatedly find myself at the grocery store on Saturdays, which is a time I would usually avoid due to the crowds. Often I will take the twins on outings with me, because they enjoy taking in the sights of the world around them, and Dave enjoys an hour or two to himself to fit in a run or work on one of his various hobbies. This past Saturday, I had both twins at the grocery store with me. Andrew rode along in the top basket of the cart, while I wore Audrey on my chest in a baby carrier. We slowly made our way through the store, Andrew helping to hold red bell peppers, Audrey grabbing at my shopping list, and me keeping an ongoing conversation going with them while selecting various breakfast and dinner options. We found ourselves browsing the cheese aisle, when one of my favorite songs, Sugar Pie Honey Bunch came on in the store. We all 3 decided it was necessary to have a little dance party there in the cheese section, and all 3 of us were quickly laughing. Many of our fellow cheese lovers around us were laughing with (at?) us, and a guy came over and said to me “I think you need a couple more sets of twins…you are just having way too much fun!” I laughed and went on my way, thinking that it was a nice exchange for once, instead of the typical comments I get from strangers about how hard things must be.

I write this post from Tulsa, OK. Although its not the most glamorous of travel destinations, I find that the locals are refreshingly friendly and kind, the city feels safe to move about, traffic is easy, and the food is fantastic. Believe it or not, there is a wonderful seafood restaurant called Bodeans in Tulsa, a landlocked state. I’ve eaten at this restaurant at least 10 times and have had some of the best pieces of fish I’ve ever had in my life there. They fly it in fresh twice a day. Yesterday, I had a piece of fresh wild Columbia River salmon.

Speaking of fish, the twins are doing fantastic in their swimming lessons. Audrey and Andrew can both float for about a minute, unassisted. This week will be the last week of lessons, so they are learning how to float wearing full regular diapers and winter clothes. This trains them to deal with more lifelike situations where they would end up in water. Although the lessons have been a very big commitment, we are pleased with the results. Also, in case you’ve ever wondered, a regular diaper weighs about 2 pounds when completely saturated with water! Of course I felt the need to weigh one with our baby scale.

My parents continued their motorhome adventures this month, celebrating their 44th wedding anniversary in Glacier National Park in Montana on June 4th before heading north to Alaska. I remember when I was a little girl, I was beginning to learn about relationships and “best friends.” I asked my mom who her best friend was, and I was shocked when she said that my dad was her best friend. I thought “why would she be best friends with a guy?” Especially a guy like my dad who is always picking on her! It didn’t make any sense to me at the time. It’s been pretty awesome to have the opportunity to witness 35 years of their relationship. They have truly set a wonderful example of the commitment of marriage and all that it entails. My parents reached Alaska around the 15th of June, and are continuing their adventures in exploring Alaska, together with their border collie, Daisy. If you are not already following my dad’s rather entertaining blog, you can find it here:

www.avisfamily.net/alaska

Dave and I will be undertaking our own adventure next week, by packing our car, and driving 16 hours to vacation in Florida. I have no idea how the twins will do with a 16 hour car trip, but somehow we will make it work. I look forward to showing the twins the ocean, beach, and whatever other sights life throws our way. Hopefully I will have some pictures to share at my next post.

May

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I was lucky enough to start off the month with a visit from my parents, who were with us over Mother’s Day. It was really wonderful to spend my first Mother’s Day with both my mother and my kids. We had a really nice day, spending some quality time together at home. When my parents come for a visit, they typically hand out a detailed agenda of the favorite restaurants that they intend to visit while they are here. Houston, while not a beautiful place, is what I might call the restaurant capital of the US. There are all kinds of interesting, diverse, trendy, ethnic, non-ethnic, and just fantastic restaurants in Houston. When you come here, you are going to eat. A LOT. All the time. So, my parents have embraced the culture here by making a list of their favorites that they frequent, one of which is called Big Daddy’s BBQ.

Big Daddy’s is a cafeteria tray style dive in a run-down strip mall with an ugly parking lot out front. It does have some pretty fantastic bbq though. We still had Big Daddy’s to cross off the list, so we headed over there on Mother’s Day. While we were in the car, partway there, I looked down and realized that I was accidentally wearing my bedroom slippers. Oops! I decided I didn’t care and we continued on our way. We enjoyed chopped pork sandwiches, brisket po-boys, mac and cheese, green beans, and fried okra to excess. Audrey and Andrew went along for the ride in their new double umbrella stroller, which they like because they can see and reach each other to swipe each other’s toys and pacifiers when the other isn’t paying attention. My feisty girl Audrey got particularly fired up and managed to grab my dish of green beans off the table and hurl them onto the floor in an almost frisbee-like motion. We all stuffed ourselves to bursting and rolled ourselves back out to the car. At that point, my mother and I looked at each other with horror as we realized that we both would have to climb into the third row of our SUV with only a few inches to squeeze our bellies past the new and giant convertible car seats that the twins are using. We managed to do it, but it wasn’t pretty.

We got home and spent some time relaxing on the back deck with each other and the twins, until I had to go sprinting to the restroom with the onset of a fun little stomach virus that knocked me out for the next few days. Let’s just say I won’t be eating any more Big Daddy’s for awhile. Each of us ended up getting the stomach virus, with the exception of my mother, who always gleefully proves herself tougher than pretty much anybody else on the planet. Aside from the stomach bug, my Mother’s Day was wonderful and I was so thankful to spend it with all of my family.

Audrey and Andrew turn 10 months old this week. Sometimes it feels like the time has flown by, and sometimes it seems to drag, particularly when someone is screaming. They are both crawling, laughing, playing, and enjoying each other’s company more and more each day. I love to watch their relationship grow stronger over time. Andrew pulls himself up to standing on pretty much any structure he can find. Audrey has not yet managed to pull herself to standing, but she is actively working on it. It is neat to watch their development.

One of the things that we decided we wanted to do as soon as possible was to get them Infant Swimming Resource (ISR) lessons. If you have not heard of these lessons, they are survival swimming lessons for infants to train them how to float in a body of water until they can be rescued. The intent is to teach them to save their own life if they fall into a pool, lake, river, etc. We have a pool in our backyard, so we felt very strongly that these lessons were needed. Infants can start them at 6 months old or greater, as long as they are crawling. Audrey and Andrew began ISR lessons about 2 weeks ago. The lessons are 10 minutes long for each of them and are private lessons with a certified instructor. We attend lessons at 7:24AM and 7:36AM every day for 6-8 weeks. When you add in the 30 minute one-way drive and the fact that we both work full time jobs and I travel a lot, it is quite a commitment. However, it is something we feel very strongly about, so we are making it work. It has been interesting to me to watch them learn how to float. Audrey is doing fantastic and is rolling, on her own, from a face-down position in the water on to her back and floating. Andrew has missed a couple of lessons due to illness, so he is a bit behind Audrey at this point.

The ISR lessons are rain or shine, as long as there is no lightning. I’m not sure how many of you have experienced a “rain shower” in Houston, but it’s pretty intense. A normal Houston rain shower is basically a torrential downpour, the likes of which, I had never seen prior to moving to Houston. You are completely drenched, sopping, dripping wet within seconds of being out in it. One of these deluges happened during the middle of lessons last week. It goes from nothing to extreme rain event in seconds. The sky just opens up and POURS. Audrey was in the pool at the time, and I stood there at the side, greatly resembling a drowned rat. Everything I had brought with me was sopping wet. I was wearing running shorts and a running shirt, along with running shoes. I removed the shoes and walked around barefoot. All of this was fine and not a big deal, until I went to drop them off at day care afterwards and I realized that I was going to have to walk into the daycare with the other professionally dressed and dry parents while soaking wet from head to toe and barefoot. It was a Parent of the Year moment as I pushed my somehow dry twins down the hallway in their stroller with my wet hair plastered to my face and my sopping dripping clothes leaving puddles on the floor. Oh well. At least the twins were dry.

May wrapped up with a nice quiet Memorial Day weekend, followed by a trip to Galveston with some of our church group. All was a lot of fun and the twins had some new adventures.

Speaking of adventures, I’m writing this post from a hotel room in Vegas.  I’ve just arrived for a 2 day business trip.  I should quit typing and get out there for some fun.  Until next time…

Women Don’t Belong in Engineering

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I have been asked many times throughout the past year about my job and whether I will continue to work after becoming a mother, and whether I will continue to travel. The answer to both questions is definitely yes. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on my career, as May marks the 10 year anniversary of my graduation from the chemical engineering program and the beginning of my career as an engineer. There have, of course, been many ups and downs throughout this 10 year period, both professionally and personally. I have begun to realize that having a career is a major part of who I am. I would feel lost without it.

When I was a little girl, I liked big, fluffy dresses and castles and princesses. But, I also remember liking women in business suits and glasses with strength and intelligence. I don’t remember if I desired a family or having children, but I do always remember having a goal of some sort as to a career aspiration. I was always thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up. It changed a lot. Sometimes, I wanted to be an astronaut, a lawyer, a writer, a doctor. I got straight A’s in high school and went on to college, selecting a major of biochemistry. Throughout college, I flip-flopped around, adding and dropping majors and minors several times. I finally somewhat settled on psychology with a pre-med focus. But I wasn’t entirely happy with this choice either. At the end of my junior year of college, I decided to add chemical engineering as a second major. I decided to stay and attend summer school that year, and I signed up for all of the freshman engineering courses to complete during that summer.

I’m not sure how serious I really was about becoming an engineer when I added the major. I had been a really good student in high school and pretty good in psychology, but I was failing miserably at my engineering courses that summer. I managed to scrape by with C’s in the first round of summer school, which meant that I passed, but just barely. This was devastating to me because I was used to being good at school. I was trying as hard as I could, and it wasn’t working. I felt discouraged. In the second round, I began taking a class on drafting and technical drawing, both by hand and on the computer. I am completely horrible at this type of thing. I can barely draw a stick figure, and I cannot visualize anything in 3D very well. On top of that, the course was taught by a professor who had tenure at the university. He had been reprimanded several times for sexist grading policies. I struggled through the class, hating every minute of it. At the end, he gave me a failing grade. It quite possibly was deserved, as my work wasn’t good. It also meant that I could not advance further in the program, unless I retook the course. If I retook it and failed again, I would be kicked out of engineering school. I went to his office to talk to him about my grade, and when I asked what could be done, his response was that nothing could be done. He then looked me right in the eye, and with a sneer on his face, he said “women don’t belong in engineering.” I was 21 years old, and I had never before been told I couldn’t do something that I wanted to do, but particularly not because I was a woman. I felt defeated and devastated for a long time. That one simple conversation, one sentence even, just lingered in my mind and fueled my doubt in myself. I wasn’t smart enough. I wanted to quit. I almost quit.

Eventually, I began to feel angry and to try to figure out a way around his course, as I saw no point to retaking another course from him. I learned of a local community college who offered the same drafting and technical drawing course where credits could transfer back to my school. I got myself admitted to that college, I signed up and I found a way to make the trip to that other campus each week to complete it, despite having a full plate with 2 majors at my regular school. I finished the course successfully with a B+ and got the credits transferred.

I look back on this experience now with interest. The man was completely wrong to have said what he said to me. But he lit a fire under me that hasn’t died to this day. He made me seriously think about what I was trying to do and how I could get there, despite setbacks. I don’t even remember his name, but I remember his face on that day. I remember how deeply I felt a desire to prove him wrong. Some days, I still do.  I look at my own daughter and I think about how I would feel if she was in this situation. I think I would want to march in to the professor with guns blazing and try to solve her problems for her. Honestly, I’m not sure if I even told my parents about this experience. I can’t remember. I remember feeling incredibly hurt, defeated, and angry at the time. But I’m not sure that I would be where I am today if my parents had stepped in and solved it for me.

In the years that followed up to my graduation, I had to work really hard, but it began to come a bit easier for me than that initial start. I finished my degree successfully and joined the working world. I’ve had 3 different jobs with many successes and many struggles in the 10 years since. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, not even that first awful experience. For the first time in my life, it made me learn how to fail, get back up, figure it out, and keep on trucking. I enjoy my job. I now provide not just for myself, but for my family, and I’ve found that I’m more motivated than ever as a result. Bring on the next 10 years! I’m looking forward to it.