Although I’ve been suffering from a bit of writer’s block lately, here are a couple of musings.

Home:

In the summer before my senior year of chemical engineering, I did an internship with an oilfield services company. The first week of the internship put me in Houston, TX for a week of training before sending me out in the field. It was the first time I had ever traveled to Houston or Texas in general. I boarded the plane in Denver, CO, the closest airport to where I was living (Laramie, Wyoming), and headed on down to Houston. I stepped off the plane, and was immediately blasted with a wall of heat and humidity that I found suffocating and truly ridiculous. How could anyone live here? This place is miserable! I spent the rest of that summer living in Elk City, Oklahoma (also insanely hot) and couldn’t wait to return to home and life in Wyoming, where it was cool and crisp and refreshing.

A little more than a year later, I packed the car and moved to Houston, TX to try to get a job in the chemical engineering industry. I decided if I could make it work in Wyoming, surely I could make it work in Texas, heat be damned. For all those who don’t know me, I’m stubborn as hell, and if I decide I’m going to make something work, well, it’s going to work. It’s now been almost 10 years. I have picked up 4 pets, a husband, a master’s degree, a couple of kids, a house, great friends and 10 years of excellent work experience along the way. I have grown to truly love Texas (even the heat).

Just this past week, I landed at the Denver Airport for a business trip, and I stepped off the plane to be assaulted with a cold, dry, blasting wind. My throat had a little spasm, and I began to cough. I was amused at myself, remembering how this used to be home and how much I loved living in this part of the country. The truth is that home is wherever I want it to be. Home is wherever I find meaning and value in my life at that point in time. It isn’t based on a place, so much as a time in my life. I’ve lived in 8 states and 1 other country. I’ve loved each of them, as they were all interesting places to be. I wouldn’t trade any of those experiences for the world.

Being positive:

I was filling out some paperwork in the infant classroom at day care the other day. A new mom was there, getting acquainted with the workers and the classroom. A few of the other moms struck up a conversation with her, telling her all about how they cried, “bawling like a baby” on the first day they dropped their kids off. They proceeded to describe the smeared mascara, the sobbing fits they had in their cars, and the moodiness that was subjected on their spouses and coworkers for several days. I overheard this conversation happening and began to try to shrink back into my paperwork, hoping no one would notice me. I thought I was getting away with it until the main day care worker threw me under the bus! She smiled mischievously and pointed at me saying “ask her how much she cried on the first day!” The room got silent as they all turned to me. I quietly said “I haven’t cried…”. One mom said, “you mean, like, ever?” I nodded no. The day care worker cheerfully quipped, “that’s a twin mom for you!” and patted me on the shoulder. I wanted to kill her as the other mothers stared at me with a look of judgmental disbelief.

I spent the rest of the day wondering what was wrong with me for not finding the first day of day care to be sob-inducing. Eventually, I decided that nothing is wrong with me. I cry when something truly and deeply upsets me. The things that truly upset me are death, pain, or suffering of other people or animals. I then thought about my women friends and whether they would have cried. In most of their cases, I determined that they wouldn’t cry either. I guess we really do surround ourselves with friends who are similar to us.

After most of the mothers left, I spent a few minutes with the new mother, telling her what great experiences I have had with the day care, that the workers are truly loving and caring, and how they do a great job with our babies. She seemed happy and relieved to hear this knowledge. That’s what I have to give. The tears I do shed over life will always be in private. But, I am happy to give some encouragement and positive truth where it’s needed.