This week has been an incredibly challenging week for us.  Our daughter, Audrey, developed issues with reflux about 3 weeks after birth.  We have spent the past several weeks working with the doctor on different solutions such as medicine, feeding techniques and positioning, and feeding frequencies, as well as attending weekly doctors appointments to check her weight and well-being.  Things were mostly going well enough until her two month checkup on Monday.  Our pediatrician discovered that she had not gained any weight in the past week, so she ordered lab tests.  On Tuesday morning, she called me and requested that I check Audrey into the hospital to treat dehydration and work with a nutritionist and gastroenterologist team.  I took her straight to Texas Children’s Hospital, where she remains.

Audrey sleeping in her bed at the hospital

Audrey’s condition is known as “failure to thrive”.   As a new mother, it’s like taking a punch in the gut every time the doctors and nurses say it, which is fairly often.  While I know that Dave and I have done everything possible to help her thrive and have been working diligently with a medical team for many weeks to make sure she does, neither of us are used to hearing the word failure at anything we undertake.  Feeding your child is something that is so important and so basic that it feels terrible when it goes wrong.  In our case, Audrey is simply not interested in eating very much.  After eating a small amount, she purses her lips shut and she’s done.  I recognize that stubbornness and it would make me smile if it wasn’t so problematic.

My sweet friends continue to ask me almost every day how I am doing and how I am feeling.  The truth is, I’m doing fine.  Everything that is supposed to be getting done is getting done.  How I’m feeling is a question that I can’t answer because I don’t know.  I know that I feel anxious.  Beyond that, I’m not open to introspection right now because I can’t afford it.  There will be time later to process emotions and think about feelings.  That time is not right now, while we are in crisis mode.

Audrey, on the other hand, appears to be feeling great mentally!  She has taken it upon herself to win over every member of the medical staff at the hospital with a gigantic smile for each of them.  They come by to ask me if they can hold her because she’s so cute and smiley.  Sometimes she wiggles and coos for them too.  This week, she has undergone multiple catheter and IV insertions and blood draws, gross drinks, and people holding her down to check everything under the sun.  She endures with some tears, but always smiles about it afterwards.  It is a strange picture to see such a happy child in a hospital bed.  I’m so proud of her strength and amazed that she has shown it to us at only ten weeks old.

Audrey smiling in the hospital

While Audrey has recently struggled to grow, Andrew is growing like a big fat weed!  He is a very healthy, chubby kiddo who loves his food.  He is making some great strides this week in sleeping ten hours at night.  Also, his digestive system is quite impressive in it’s elimination of waste!  He has been visiting his sister in the hospital daily.  We are all looking forward to her coming home to go back to life as normal.

Andrew

I once again want to say thank you to our incredible support system of family, friends, and coworkers near and far, who have yet again quite impressively jumped through hoops to help with prayers, food, company, and love.  It is truly touching and we appreciate every bit of it.